You know, life has a way of throwing us curveballs, and sometimes those curveballs come in the form of awkward conversations or misunderstandings with friends. I was chatting with an AI (yes, I'm that curious!) and stumbled upon a list of 20 ways a conversation can go wrong. It got me thinking about my own friendships and how I've managed to keep them afloat despite my occasional blunders.

As I reflected on those conversations, I couldn't help but wonder: have I accidentally hurt someone's feelings or said something that caused them to go quiet on me? It's that nagging uncertainty that can send my mind spinning. I'm sure I'm not the only one who's been there, feeling like I've committed some unpardonable sin without even knowing what it was I did.

Research shows that women tend to internalize failures and take personal responsibility, which can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, and anxiety. I know I do. I start thinking, "What if I said something wrong? What if I'm the problem?" The "what-ifs" spin around in my head like a merry-go-round, and it's exhausting.

But here's the interesting thing: men have the tendency to externalize failures and shift blame. They're more likely to say, "It's not my fault; it's just bad luck or circumstance." Meanwhile, you and I are more likely to beat ourselves up over mistakes, thinking, "I should've done things differently."

But even knowing this, it's hard to shake off that kind of thinking. My mind still races with all the possible scenarios, always landing on the conclusion that it's my fault. And I'm working on it. I'm trying to be kinder to myself and remember that uncertainty is just part of life. So, how do we navigate this uncertainty without acting on those crazy thoughts? Here are a few ways I've used to deal with them: 

• Pause and take a deep breath: When anxiety starts creeping in, pause for a moment and remind yourself to separate facts from assumptions.
• Reach out: Before jumping to conclusions, check in with friends or colleagues. A simple "Hey, everything okay?" can clear the air.
• Focus on what you can control: Instead of fretting over what others might be thinking, concentrate on what you can actually manage – your own actions and reactions.
• Be kind to yourself: Remember that it's normal to feel uncertain, and you're doing the best you can.
• Reframe those negative thoughts: Challenge those unhelpful narratives. Instead of thinking, "They're ignoring me," try thinking, "They might just be busy with their own stuff."
  
• Take breaks and practice self-care: Don't forget to take time for yourself – whether it's going for a walk, reading a good book, or just soaking up some sunshine.
• Communicate openly: If you're still feeling anxious, don't hesitate to have a heart-to-heart with that person. Ask if everything's okay and if there's something you can do to help.

I've been in this dilemma several times over the last few months. I'm not sure if I've been blindsided or consumed by my negative rumination, which leads me to believe I've done something and its not been communicated with me. So, I've tried to manage my self-regulation and stayed open and curious to what the reality is and not cave into the impulse to confess my horribleness as a person who's unsure of what I've done. Nor am I assuming that my counterpart is ignoring me on purpose and hates my guts, never wanting to hear from me again.

Often, when I talk about our brains, it's essential to remind ourselves that our brains are like elephants with riders. When the elephant gets startled and takes off, with the rider barely holding on, we need to talk gently to both the rider and elephant to gain control of those unhelpful thoughts. 

Practing self compassion is hard and I want to share a 3-minute video sharing about 10 ways to nudge ourselves out of stress and anxiety . Let's remember during this uncertain time that we're not alone in our struggles, and by being kind to ourselves and others, we can work towards building stronger, more resilient relationships and a greater sense of well-being. Thanks for listening to my ramblings. It's a comforting reminder that we're all in this together, navigating the ups and downs of life and relationships. By being kind to ourselves and focusing on what we can control, we can ease our anxiety and improve our overall well-being. Would you please let me know if this helps you? What other steps have you found that help with this dilemma for you?